You know you’re ready.

You know you’re ready to go back to school when you start to dream about it.

Last night I had a dream that I was back at school and in a class learning about warfare and bunkers in Southeast Asia. It was a hands-on class in which I learned to dig out the bunkers themselves and place barricades around the battlefield. I also dreamed that I didn’t know where or when my next class would be. It was early in the morning and the vast majority of my classes are back to back in the morning, so I became extremely stressed out. It was the first day of classes and I didn’t want to make a bad impression by either being late or not showing up at all.

I woke up right at the point that my first class was over. I almost got right out of bed to go check my schedule online to see when I had my next class and what it was. Even when I was awake I was worrying about not having bought my books for my classes. Luckily I was able to come to my senses before I actually logged on to my computer. Thank God for work!

Anywho… I am ready to get back to school; to see all of my friends again, to go to class and write papers, and most of all to see the most important person in my life: my girlfriend Dara. Finally, we get to be together for an extended period of time! This January will be our 1 year anniversary, and I am very proud to be hers. We have worked so hard to make our relationship work. You have to work at it when you’re in love with a person halfway across the nation. Who would have thought that our love could last when we’ve been apart for more than half of our relationship. Honestly, I can. She is my strength and my joy. With a love like ours we can do anything… but it doesn’t hurt that I can hold her tight in my arms once again and never let go. Regardless of our circumstances, I will always hold on to her because my heart can’t let go of something so life-changing. I love her!

When I want to, I can’t.

So today, I totally wanted to go out and take some photos. Guess what! Its cold and raining. No photography for me today. Boooo!

 

Wait, what about that one? Nah… that was from last year. It just applies to today regarding how wet everything is.

So since I won’t be taking any photos today, I suppose I’ll just write. This is my writing. Aren’t you excited? Yeah me too. So here is a little piece for today:

Rain, rain go away.

I normally like you, not today.

Wow, you’re drab and now I’m sad;

I hope and wish you will not stay.

End

Time for Stress and Tests

Basically, the title says it all. I have tons of things going on right now. I have multiple tests to study for within the next week, none of which I feel adequately prepared for. I also have intramurals to  play in. I have chapel to attend, and time with God to spend… and to add to all of that, I have to take time to write as I have dedicated myself to do. As one might be able to infer from this, I have begun to experience stress. Thankfully, this is the first time in the whole semester that I have been stressed out, but that thankfulness does not slip over into this week. On the contrary, I am very ungrateful for my present situation regarding the days to come. I do not look forward to it.

However, although this may be true, I know that I will undoubtedly come through this week relatively unscathed. In fact, I will probably come through it; and in the end, I will most likely be stronger than I was going into it. Not only do I anticipate a happy ending, but I also maintain the hope that I will surely enjoy this week- as difficult as it may end up being. I will be blessed by God every day that I get to wake up and be stressed out this week. I will enjoy hanging out with friends. I may even get to eat some decent food.

I have hope in things that are eternal, but the one thing for which I am most hopeful (within the immediate and distant future) is upheld and supported by one person.  I am hopefully in love and that establishes my most real and tangible hope.

This hope brings me faith to believe that I have someone to turn to, someone who understands me, and someone that loves me no matter how difficult my situation or how stressed I may ever become. For that, I thank you and love you Dara.  <3

Just sayin…

 

For those of you who feel left out…. STOP THAT. You still are a prominent vital part of my life, and I deeply love you. You are a great comfort to me.

 

I just feel the need to point out how excited I am to have a new and refreshing love that brings me hope and joy and peace.
It’s just that important to me.

It’s Been a While

DSC_2295 – 2011-10-16 at 17-31-50, a photo by skylarmacrae on Flickr.

I’ve been busy. Well, I have been somewhat busy and somewhat apathetic about this whole writing thing. It seems trivial when I am in school. Between class and work, I have little free time; and what free time I get, I try to spend with my friends just hanging out. Blogging last year was done mostly when I wasn’t spending my time with my girlfriend or eating. I even substituted it for sleep because there simply wasn’t anything to do. I had no real friends besides my two best friends and the most time I spent with them were on dates and back in the dorm. Now I have friends who I hang out with, a job to go to, and classes to do work in. I just been busy.

I feel as though this decision not to blog has been somewhat disparaging to my thought process. I don’t think very critically anymore unless it is for a paper in one of my School of Religion classes. I don’t think reflectively, I don’t ponder about life, and I don’t ask serious questions for others to attempt answering. That is something I want to get back in the habit of doing. Surely, this will take some time and some getting used to due to the fact that I haven’t written here very much in a long time. I’m not even sure if half of my readers would still be interested in what I have to say. Hopefully my family (and you Dara) might enjoy seeing and reading my thoughts.

Perhaps I should incorporate this writing into my schedule on a regular basis. However, this will not always work out because my schedule is often erratic and unpredictable. I don’t know if my free time will allow this sort of writing with all of the writing and homework that I have to do. I think that I can manage to write at least twice a week, if not more. That’s my starting goal. Hopefully I can manage and stick to it.

PS: Comments are a good motivation… even if it’s just a “hey.” Naturally, I see stats, but stats are stats and not human interaction. They don’t really mean a whole lot to me in comparrison to readers engaging or responding to my thoughts.

a kiss to build a dream on

My life was a dream.

I was living in a dream that had become my reality. I had been swept away by a woman who one could only fantasize about. The clouds were at my feet, and it was love…  but like every dream, it came to an end. I was awakened to a harsh realization that this fantasy was fleeting- that my feet might soon fall back to the mundane path I walked before my spirits had been lifted. My lover was leaving, and I would no longer be able to hold onto that fantasy which had previously felt so real. Waking up to this reality rang out resounding alarms that I could be fading into a living nightmare.  I had to find a way to make that dream live on in my present consciousness. As part of an exhaustive search for a return to that restful dream, I came to this solution…  and a few months ago, my heart sang this song.

A dreamy day deemed me worthy of one wishful kiss, and with that kiss a dream was built.

The Kiss that Built a Dream

… and just like that my lover was gone, but my dream remained alive. Since the moment she left me, I have fantasized of a dream come true: that fairy tale moment when being with her would not be just a failing fancy, but a real return to the romance that was once a mere aspiration. But yet, this dream is also coming to an end…

This end, however has been a sweet awakening: a gentle whisper in my ear to wake up and smell the roses; to look around and see that what was once my dream is truly tangible. A path, a return to real romance, is being illuminated by hope. Emerging in the near future, I see my true fantasy flowing towards me.

My spirits are lifted once again. The kiss that built my dream has laid the foundation for a functional yet surreal reality. I am now flying forward toward my fantasy with clouds below and doubts behind…

and I am wide awake.