I have left my home away from home. I have surrendered the warmth of my own bed for that of another. I walk into my new place of dwelling… my old place of dwelling.
Opening the door to this strange environment, lavish gifts were bestowed upon me. Food was provided with the wave of my hand. I was surrounded by the latest in artistry. Here they have revolutionary mechanical contraptions with spinning blades designed to keep me cool in the heat of the afternoon. All of these gifts were lovely and extraordinary, but the most extravagant luxury was yet to be examined: the sleeping quarters.
Upon entering its threshold, vibrant splashes of royalty filled my eyes. Gold, Silver, Bronze, and Sapphire began teasing my sense of wonder. I was racked with astonishment. Could this really be for my enjoyment? Were these simply antics of a jocular host?
Despite my quandary, exhaustion was settling in from my travels to this distant land. I was desperate for sweet sleep’s restoration. I drew away the coverlet and slipped into a silken sea of purple. Fully convinced by the exterior beauty of this bed, I naturally expected to experience a heavenly sensation upon entrance into its confines. I was indubitably incorrect in my assumption. The visible sea of silk provided disguise for what seemed to be a bed of coral amidst its waters. Needless to say, not even the most destitute of mermaids can find rest upon coral. Restoration was withheld from me tonight.
No matter. Perhaps a bountiful breakfast will rise with the morning sun. (HINT HINT MOM)
MORAL OF THE STORY: Even the most elaborate of bed spreads cannot conceal a 25 year old mattress lying underneath.